So… if you read the last post, “Married at Twenty-Four: Part 2” you know that I gave my then husband to be (although I didn’t know it then of course), a second chance and the rest is history.
I’d like to run down a few things for y’all real quick though so you don’t think I’m braggin on this marriage thing’.
I’m not special by any means!
Often when I tell people that I’ve been happily married for the last 8 years, often they first question is “Wow! How old are you?” (I’ve been told I look like a 20 year old, so yes I’m flattered when someone asks!)
When we got married I was 24 years old and my husband was 25.
Did we think we were too young back then? Not at all. When we look back now though at 33 and 34, we are like WOW we were young.
My husband proposed on Valentine’s Day 2008.
It was actually very unexpected, because I thought I had been given my gift (a diamond necklace) earlier that day, so I was happy.
The proposal was during a candle light dinner at a nice little Italian restaurant.
In our almost year of dating, I found out that not only did we like a lot of the same stuff, he possessed many of the qualities I had been looking for in a guy. We had become best friends. He wasn’t offended when I talked about my ex’s and other guys I had been with and I wasn’t offended either. We had so much in common, but so much that was different.
He shared with me that he always liked me in school, but didn’t know exactly how to talk to me because he felt that I was OUT OF HIS LEAGUE. Isn’t that crazy?! We had been thinking the same thing!
I see a lot of y’all single women out here, post things on social media. Some seem to have a very skewed perception of what a real loving relationship is and what marriage is.
The best advice I have found that has worked for me is…
A. It’s up to you to be clear on what YOU want. Not drawing a clear line is a dangerous place to hanging out! Setting clear boundaries is necessary.
B. It’s NOT up to YOU. Really when a man will propose is up to HIM. HE has to be ready to commit. (Contrary to popular belief, you can’t make him, you can’t trick him into marriage. Conning someone into what you THINK is a life long commitment is a failure from the beginning.)
We both were what I’d consider very mature though. We had college degrees, our own apartments, own cars, own jobs. We were on the same page as far as where we wanted to go in life and goals.
I think that’s the most important part as well.
Have your own ‘ish together before you get with someone.
If you’re not on the same page..hate to tell you, but it’s most likely not going to work for long.
At the end of the day, I think how ever you put it together it has to be what works for two as a whole. Not what works for your girlfriends or your sister, but what works for you two as a couple!
Trust me ladies, FOREVER doesn’t seem that long if you are truly with someone who is your friend. We started off as friends. I was very clear on what I wanted and what was acceptable and unacceptable. Is he perfect? By no means! I still have to tell him repetitively that leaving your drawls in the bathroom or leaving the toilet seat up is super annoying after living with this man for over 12 years. You see where I’m going with this?
Has the last 8 years been a cake-walk? Heck no. But, has it been worth it?
Until next time…