Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

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October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. More specifically recognized on October 15.

This is a subject I know all too well, unfortunately.

My husband and I have 5 angel babies, 4 miscarriages and one stillborn son.

Loss is a odd thing.

People will say all kinds of things that are supposed to be comforting, but most we’re more hurtful than anything.

Like the time I was asked if I was attending a baby shower for a friend of my husbands less than a month after we had loss our son Nicolas who was stillborn.

I am aware most just don’t know, what to say or are just unconscious of the things that may come out of their mouth at this time.

I still grieve for the babies I loss.

Although our first loss was almost 10 years ago and our most recent was a little of 2 years ago, everything seems so fresh.

Healing is different for everyone.

Earlier this Summer, I started writing a memoir about my journey to motherhood which has been a very interesting one.

I believe the more we share our stories, the more we may be able to help one another.

Until next time,

Nicole Alicia sig

 

Waiting For The Perfect Moment

Waiting For The Perfect Moment

 

As I am writing, my guys are taking a late nap at 5pm on a Saturday eve.

My husband has had a pretty long week and so have I. My son, is sick….again for the 3rd time in the last 2 months!These up and down temperatures of our mid-western Fall weather do him in something terrible!

However with myself, I haven’t been feeling 100% this week this week either.

I’ve been struggling with running a household, keeping up with my son’s school activities and running two businesses. I won’t lie, writing has been tossed to the side…once again.

This is the first chance I’ve had to journal this week.

As a mother and a wife, I often am searching for time by myself to write.

I am often waiting for the perfect moment.

A moment of quiet, of seclusion and solitude.

Does anyone else out there need to be completely alone sometimes to write?

Until next time…

Nicole Alicia sig

When God Leads You Somewhere Else

When God Leads You Somewhere Else

I started off this year with this idea for my second fiction novel.

I had been setting goals and deadlines for myself, as all good writers do.

I plotted and tied.

Then I wrote.

Then researched.

I got to the end of the first four chapters and just couldn’t go any further.

Something just wasn’t working. Something was missing.

Seemed like the more I tried to tie things and figure out what the meaning of the story was an plot, the more I couldn’t.

I had another story on my heart for awhile, but didn’t really work on it. A story that is very near and dear to my heart.

The story of how I been came a mother after having miscarried more than 3 times and going through a very difficult pregnancy with my son who is now 4 years old.

I was hesitant because although the birth of my son was very emotional and I still cry about it. But it’s how God revealed things in this journey I feel I should share with other women.

Although it has taken roughly 8 months to listen and respond to what God has put on my heart, I am actually acting upon it now. (Stubborn, I know)

I only have a few pages written right now, but I hope to publish it next Spring.

Sometimes we have to shift gears I guess.

 

Until next time….

Nicole Alicia sig

 

A Bad Movie-Going Experience

Bad Movie Going Experience

So as a mom, now I don’t get to go to the movies as often as I’d like to. Matter of fact, most of the movies I’ve seen in the last 4 years have been cartoon or animated movies. No complaint, I’m just sayin’.

When I do get to go to the movies, I get excited. Especially when it’s a movie my son is really excited about seeing.

This particular day, I wanted to take my 4 year old son to the movies and since I was going to be in the area of South Kansas City, MO, we chose to go to Ward Parkway to see Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation.

My son had seen the other two Transylvania movies as well, and was super excited when I told him we were going to go to the movies. We purchased our tickets online prior to so we could just go and not have to worry about getting the seat we wanted. I prefer to sit in the middle of the row, not to close to the screen but not in the back. My son and I by the way both wear glasses and want to be able see good.

We were running a few minutes late, and when we got into the theater and I found the row and seats we had purchased, a lady and her daughter were in our seats.

At first, I thought that I had walked into the wrong theater, so I walked back out to check the theater number and found the row again.

I politely approached the lady who was in our seats and said, “Hi, my son and I have these seats.”

She looked at me and just shrugged and pretended I wasn’t even there. Like I was invisible.

Now here’s where I could have gotten a nasty attitude, but I didn’t.

While I was standing there another woman came in with her son and looked at me, like what’s goin’ on. She said she had seats 3 and 4. I whispered to this lady and motioned to the who was in our seats.

Because this woman who was in the wrong seats with her daughter she had messed up the whole seating for the row. if the lady and her son were to sit down they were going to be in the wrong too.

I was mad!!!

I quickly exited seeing that this woman was obviously being obstinate, ignorant and didn’t care. I went to little bar area and told the guy working there someone was in the seats, my son and I had. He told me to hold on and he would get someone.

He spoke on the radio in his ear and another lady appeared and I told her what was going on.  Just then the other lady who was supposed to be in my row, approached to back up my story.

The other lady with the son and I presided to the theater following the AMC employee. She approached the lady who was in our seats and words were had. The lady barely acknowledged the employee. The AMC employee came back over to my son and I, who by the way was so confused as to why we hadn’t sat down yet to see his movie. We had taken a seat at the back of theater in the handicapped seating where we were waiting for an answer as to how this was going to solved.

The AMC employee came back over to me and informed me that the lady wasn’t going to move, but hold on and she would be back she was going to check to see what seats were un-purchased and see if we could move somewhere else.

By this time the movie had started.

The lady with the son who was supposed to be in our row, asked me if me and my son wanted to just take her seats, she said she felt so bad about what was happening. I told her no, that was ok.

When the AMC employee came back, she handed me to comp tickets and said she was sorry she couldn’t do anything else, but we could move to the end seats that were open a row ahead of where we were supposed to sit.

I was so mad at this point my whole entire face was just red hot.

I grabbed my son’s hand and walked him down to the seats and the end of the row ahead.

They sucked!

Who wants to sit at end and be at a weird angle?

I told this story to many of my family members who asked if I had called AMC’s corporate headquarters, which I did and I was told by two different customer service reps that the lady and her daughter should have been removed from the theater, and that’s why you pay for tickets online so you can choose the seating that you want and not have to worry about getting there on time and worrying about getting a good seat. One rep asked if security was called. They weren’t.

The comp tickets were a nice gesture, but I just wanted my son and I to have a good movie going experience.

I’m a fairly quiet person, but when it comes to my child’s happiness I get very touchy. He still enjoyed the movie.

When I did get a response from corporate on my complaint, they basically just said they were sorry that it happened.

My thing is, why pay for movie tickets and assigned seating if you’re not going to get the seats you want? Why have the policy if it isn’t going to be enforced?

This has left such a bitter taste in my mouth about AMC theaters in general. I’ve been going to this particular theater for such along time.

What do you guys think?

Should I just avoid AMC theaters, period?

Avoid Ward Parkway AMC?

What’s the crappiest movie going experience you’ve had?

Has this happened to you before?

Let me know in the comments!

Until next time…

Nicole Alicia sig

 

Nervous Mama

Nervous Mama

Many of us are preparing for our children to go back to school. I think even some are back to school already.

Some of us have babies going to school for the first time…

That’s me!

My little guy will only be in pre-school this year, but he’s super-duper excited!

Me………I’m getting there.

I knew this time would eventually come, but it seems like it just came so fast!

Seems like only yesterday my son was a little baby, in the NICU, that we were trying feverishly to get to eat more than 3ml’s a feeding session, so he could come home with us.

At 3 months old, I did have to go back to work and it was painful! I had to leave my little preemie with people I barely knew at daycare.

I feel the same way again!

I know once we fall into a routine, it will get easier. Well, I’m hoping.

As I write this, I feel the tension in my neck think about all the things that could happen, while my baby boy is away at school. I do tend to let my mind wander too much, I am definitely guilty of that.

This was the ultimate goal though, right?

He will always need mama, but it’s time to let my little dude be away from me again even though it’s only for 6 or 7 hours or so.

He’s happy, so I guess I should be too!

I’m sure I’ll cry that first day after we drop him off.

Any other mom’s out there having the same feelings?

Let me know in the comments!

Until next time…

Nicole Alicia sig

Summer Madness

Summer Madness (1)

Hey ladies and gents-

I’m coming to you from my bedroom, currently taking a brief moment out of what has been an otherwise long day for me.

So….

Obviously, I haven’t blogged in awhile.

This Summer has really been going by fairly fast and I’ve been super busy!

I have had a little bit of fun…

Got to watch an awesome fireworks display on the 4th and spend time with my husband and son.

But mostly this Summer, I have been so occupied with my Vintage and Handmade business Dear Alice Company. I recently decided to break away from Etsy and get my own shop, which was a thing I was trying to do for awhile, but really decided to do before July hit. So that’s one thing that had me occupied for a couple of weeks.

Often times when you are a solopreneur, you have many hats that you wear from marketing executive, inventory specialist and my favorite accountant. It’s the most challenging job I’ve had so far and yet it’s the most fun and exciting at the same time.

In between working, I have tried to also remember to have fun….’cause it’s still Summer right?

Seems like July is going fast as well.

So how is your Summer going?

Leave me a comment below!

Until next time…

Nicole Alicia sig

 

 

 

A Heavy Heart

A Heavy Heart

I am very guarded.

I share on social media, but not usually alot about my personal life. I figure if you know me you know me. But most on here get to know me by reading my blog mainly…so here it goes.

Last week for me was a very confusing week. My heart was very heavy.

I lost a younger cousin to Cancer who was just 27. Although I had not seen him in awhile, I was remembering when he was a baby and a toddler and it just saddened me that this sickness had taken his young life. Thing that bothered me the most was this was now the third cousin on that side of the family that I had kind of grew up with that had passed that was under the age of 35.

Then there was the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain.

I was familiar with both persons work and like a lot of others, I would have never guessed this.

For some reason, death even when not knowing a person directly is odd for me.

I start questioning the meaning of life. The why’s and the how’s for some reason.

I am not sure what to make of it.

I just feel for each family member who is experiencing loss, whether sudden or expected.

Grief sucks, loss sucks and it hurts.

 

 

Until next time…

Nicole Alicia sig

 

 

What To Write

What To Write

As Fiction writers, we usually have ton’s of story ideas.

I know I do.

Sometimes I have trouble focusing on just one story at a time.

Has this ever happened to you?

I was set on writing my second Novel and I still am…but lately I’ve been writing something else on the side. A non-fictional piece for some reason I’ve felt I just had to flesh out a really rough draft outline of (or at least the part that was on my mind).

I’m definitely still working on writing Novel #2, but just wanted to know if anyone out there could relate.

Do you work on main pieces, but have a “side piece” story your writing at the same time?

Is it a bad idea? Good idea?

What do you think?

 

Until next time…

Nicole Alicia sig