Mommy Struggles: Living Up To Our Mother’s Expectations

Mommy Struggles_ Living Up To Our Mother's Expectations

My house is a mess.

It seems that I clean up one room and the next gets messy. Then magically, while the house is getting dirty, a mountainous pile of laundry has appeared out of thin air.

It’s a never ending battle!

Yet, week after week, while still working on my shops Blu-83 Vintage and Dear Alice Company , I some how manage to tidy up and have a functional home.

Many times when my mom decides to come over, isn’t up to her standards? I get the “you just let dishes pile up like this?” or the infamous “why are all these clothes just piled up and not hung up?”

While washing dishes the other day, I began to contemplate as I was overwhelmed by the amount of dishes and mess in our kitchen. Do you ever stop to think, “How on earth did my mother do all this?”

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My mom was not a stay-at-home mom my entire childhood, but worked off and on outside the home. Our house was almost always clean. Everything had a place, clothes were folded and put away and our sink hardly ever over flowed with dishes.

Then I took it back one more step, my Grandma Alice, my mom’s mom…her house was never ever dirty (well until she had 4 grand-kids…my cousins messed it up for me LOL). My mom has always told me stories of how my grandma kept a clean home, cooked and worked as a nurse with 3 kids and without the conveniences of today. (I don’t know about y’all but my calendar on my phone is a lifesaver and pick-up grocery service too. I don’t think they had that in the 60’s)

They didn’t have a dishwasher, nor did my grandfather ever help out (because that was “women’s work” to him).

Sometimes I can’t help, but wonder am I doing this right? Could I be doing more? I know I strive to keep a clean home, but let’s be honest ladies….it’s down right exhausting sometimes!

Are there any mom’s out there who can relate?

 

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Why Non-Entrepreneurs Will Never Understand You

Why Non-Entreprenuers Will Never Understand What You Do

Back when I graduated in 2006, from College the term entrepreneur was something foreign to me.

As an elective I took this class on Entrepreneurship. I had been taught that you go to school, get a job and work doing something you may hate for the rest of your life (or whatever job paid well).

The thought of being an entrepreneur never really came into play as a “do-able” thing until I started dating my now husband. He was from a family of entrepreneurs, so it was just in him. His grandmother had her own salon, an uncle of his had a shoe shining business and my husband (boyfriend at the time) was a graphic artist and had a business.

The thought of actually doing something “you love” and getting paid for it was a fairly new concept for me and hard to grasp. I had always loved writing and wanted to go into Journalism or major in Creative Writing mid-way through College, but decided I was not about to change majors to be in school another 1 1/2 possibly.

My mindset was just totally different than it is today.

Those that I speak to usually about my vintage shops on Etsy or being a writer, usually have that far off mindset that I used to have. Or to them, it’s like that’s a nice hobby.

However, sadly it’s usually those closest to you who just won’t get it.

Even if you break it down to them, it’s still usually such a far-fetched, far out sounding thing for them. Some may even think you’ve lost your mind.

Although I have two shops, am working on a second novel (I self-published the first back in 2017) and blog I still get from family and friends. “Hey are you still doing that thing with old stuff?” or “Are you still doing you’re writing thing?”

I may have a handful of people who really get and support what I do. It used to bother me that some family and friends didn’t take me seriously, but now nearly 2 1/2 years into it with my vintage shops (Dear Alice Co. and Blu-83 Vintage) and after being a blogger for nearly 10 years now it doesn’t bother me as much.

Being an entrepreneur is truly a mindset.

Some people will get what it is you’re doing, some people won’t.

Yes it’s a struggle. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, I have a College degree and could easily apply for jobs in the field I majored in.

But at the end of the day, If you love what you do and you’re happy….that’s really what life’s about isn’t it?

Nicole Alicia sig

 

Loosing Grandma’s House, Gaining Treasures

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The ladder part of 2018 really got to me for real on an emotional level.

I started loosing direction as far as what I was doing business wise and started trying to think too much.

I know some of you maybe wondering why I fell off the face of the earth and stopped blogging all of a sudden. Well, I’m about to explain, a little…

Running an online business or in my case, businesses is far from easy!

On top of  all the “life stuff”, I had going on, I had received my first discouraging remarks from a customer on one shop after nearly 2 years of only positive remarks. For me this was so hurtful. Not only as an entrepreneur, but as a woman I think I took it too personal.

Then in September, I received a call from my Uncle stating that my grandparents house was to be foreclosed on and we need to go get stuff out, before a certain date in mid-September. But, before I go forward, let me back up and give you the history.

In 2004, my grandmother started having trouble staying awake. She was tired all the time and went to the doctor finally. They determined she needed to have a stint put in her heart, which was supposedly a routine operation, but unfortunately she never recovered and passed away July 5th, 2005.

My grandfather had been still living in the same house, but in the earlier part of 2018, it was determined that he couldn’t take care of himself any longer and the house had a mold problem to which was a health hazard.

Dear Alice Company is a vintage home decor and collectibles business, which is named after my maternal Grandma, Alice Roberts. Largely because of her home and all of the cool things I’d find and pretty things stored in her China cabinet I became to be a true lover of old stuff (aka vintage).

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1970’s Daisy Chain Correlle Mug and Plate from Nicole Alicia’s personal collection

Going back to that house after my Grandma had passed was the worst!

I had spent so much time at my Grandma’s house as child. I practically grew up there. There was so much I was going to miss. From the swing set in the back yard to the upstairs room which I used to go and play video games.

Largely I felt that the house died, when my Grandma passed.

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Unique Glasses 2 of which were from my Grandmothers house, the other two I found at a thrift store!

Because of my Grandfathers health and mental condition, the house was not kept up and long story short was foreclosed on.

Thankfully, I was able to keep many of the treasures from her house, but many of them did get left behind sadly.

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My grandmother had a collection of cute little Salt & Pepper Shakers, this is just one pair I thought were cute approximately from the 50’s that may have been my Great- Grandma Reba’s

I’m still sad about the loss of what used be a beautiful home.

Now every time I pass it, I get a very reminiscent feeling of what was yesterday and I remember the great times I had at 4287 E. 62nd Street.

Nicole Alicia sig

 

 

 

Halloween Then Vs. Now

Halloween Then Vs. Now

I was born in the 80’s. A carefree time where life consisted of Smurf Cartoons in the morning and watching Ninja Turtles when I got home from school. Recess was the highlight of my school day.

Being an only child wasn’t lonely for me all the time. I made up imaginary worlds, drove my dolls around town in my pretend car, with a Frisbee as the steering wheel in our plaid love seat in the living room of our cozy apartment.

Back then Halloween wasn’t really a big deal with my parent. I wasn’t forced to go to “Hallelujah Night” at church, thank God. My Mom said I could pick out whatever costume as long as it wasn’t something like a witch or a devil or something super scary. So, I got to pick my costume, paint my face and went to something here in Kansas City at the Mall called “Trick-Or-Treat Village”.

It was exciting for me, they made a little village in the mall, painted it to look like little houses and people dressed up to hand out candy. Simple!

Because we lived in a an apartment complex and my grandparents didn’t live in a good neighborhood, going door to door to Trick-Or-Treat just wasn’t a great option at that time. When we moved to a house when I was about 10, my dad took me to a few houses around the neighborhood, but being in the cold and dark really wasn’t my thing.

Anyways in short, Halloween was enjoyable for me. My parents didn’t go all out and it wasn’t a big deal to me.

I got all the candy I wanted. Didn’t have to share with any siblings.

Although, somehow my candy stash would dwindle down mysteriously with out me knowing it (thanks mom and dad).

However, now as a parent of a 4 year old, for the past couple years we go to a few Trunk-Or- Treats. We live on a street that doesn’t have very good lighting after dark, so not many of the kids come our way.

My husband on the other hand, Halloween was a bit different for him. Halloween was a big deal in their house, because both him and his sister had October Birthdays. He went door to door to Trick-Or-Treat, and wants to go here there and everywhere to Trick-Or-Treat with our son.

In past years we haven’t had the best luck. Either people just aren’t handing out candy or they are out taking their kids Trick-Or-Treating.

I’m not a fan of door to door Trick-Or-Treating, really. For safety reasons and personal reasons. For that my husband thinks I’m super weird.

So what if I don’t want to be out in the cold and dark to get candy, I’d rather stay here handing out candy, watching scary movies and eating pizza.

How do you guys do Halloween? Is it different than when you were growing up?

Until next time…

Nicole Alicia sig

 

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

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October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. More specifically recognized on October 15.

This is a subject I know all too well, unfortunately.

My husband and I have 5 angel babies, 4 miscarriages and one stillborn son.

Loss is a odd thing.

People will say all kinds of things that are supposed to be comforting, but most we’re more hurtful than anything.

Like the time I was asked if I was attending a baby shower for a friend of my husbands less than a month after we had loss our son Nicolas who was stillborn.

I am aware most just don’t know, what to say or are just unconscious of the things that may come out of their mouth at this time.

I still grieve for the babies I loss.

Although our first loss was almost 10 years ago and our most recent was a little of 2 years ago, everything seems so fresh.

Healing is different for everyone.

Earlier this Summer, I started writing a memoir about my journey to motherhood which has been a very interesting one.

I believe the more we share our stories, the more we may be able to help one another.

Until next time,

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Waiting For The Perfect Moment

Waiting For The Perfect Moment

 

As I am writing, my guys are taking a late nap at 5pm on a Saturday eve.

My husband has had a pretty long week and so have I. My son, is sick….again for the 3rd time in the last 2 months!These up and down temperatures of our mid-western Fall weather do him in something terrible!

However with myself, I haven’t been feeling 100% this week this week either.

I’ve been struggling with running a household, keeping up with my son’s school activities and running two businesses. I won’t lie, writing has been tossed to the side…once again.

This is the first chance I’ve had to journal this week.

As a mother and a wife, I often am searching for time by myself to write.

I am often waiting for the perfect moment.

A moment of quiet, of seclusion and solitude.

Does anyone else out there need to be completely alone sometimes to write?

Until next time…

Nicole Alicia sig

When God Leads You Somewhere Else

When God Leads You Somewhere Else

I started off this year with this idea for my second fiction novel.

I had been setting goals and deadlines for myself, as all good writers do.

I plotted and tied.

Then I wrote.

Then researched.

I got to the end of the first four chapters and just couldn’t go any further.

Something just wasn’t working. Something was missing.

Seemed like the more I tried to tie things and figure out what the meaning of the story was an plot, the more I couldn’t.

I had another story on my heart for awhile, but didn’t really work on it. A story that is very near and dear to my heart.

The story of how I been came a mother after having miscarried more than 3 times and going through a very difficult pregnancy with my son who is now 4 years old.

I was hesitant because although the birth of my son was very emotional and I still cry about it. But it’s how God revealed things in this journey I feel I should share with other women.

Although it has taken roughly 8 months to listen and respond to what God has put on my heart, I am actually acting upon it now. (Stubborn, I know)

I only have a few pages written right now, but I hope to publish it next Spring.

Sometimes we have to shift gears I guess.

 

Until next time….

Nicole Alicia sig

 

A Bad Movie-Going Experience

Bad Movie Going Experience

So as a mom, now I don’t get to go to the movies as often as I’d like to. Matter of fact, most of the movies I’ve seen in the last 4 years have been cartoon or animated movies. No complaint, I’m just sayin’.

When I do get to go to the movies, I get excited. Especially when it’s a movie my son is really excited about seeing.

This particular day, I wanted to take my 4 year old son to the movies and since I was going to be in the area of South Kansas City, MO, we chose to go to Ward Parkway to see Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation.

My son had seen the other two Transylvania movies as well, and was super excited when I told him we were going to go to the movies. We purchased our tickets online prior to so we could just go and not have to worry about getting the seat we wanted. I prefer to sit in the middle of the row, not to close to the screen but not in the back. My son and I by the way both wear glasses and want to be able see good.

We were running a few minutes late, and when we got into the theater and I found the row and seats we had purchased, a lady and her daughter were in our seats.

At first, I thought that I had walked into the wrong theater, so I walked back out to check the theater number and found the row again.

I politely approached the lady who was in our seats and said, “Hi, my son and I have these seats.”

She looked at me and just shrugged and pretended I wasn’t even there. Like I was invisible.

Now here’s where I could have gotten a nasty attitude, but I didn’t.

While I was standing there another woman came in with her son and looked at me, like what’s goin’ on. She said she had seats 3 and 4. I whispered to this lady and motioned to the who was in our seats.

Because this woman who was in the wrong seats with her daughter she had messed up the whole seating for the row. if the lady and her son were to sit down they were going to be in the wrong too.

I was mad!!!

I quickly exited seeing that this woman was obviously being obstinate, ignorant and didn’t care. I went to little bar area and told the guy working there someone was in the seats, my son and I had. He told me to hold on and he would get someone.

He spoke on the radio in his ear and another lady appeared and I told her what was going on.  Just then the other lady who was supposed to be in my row, approached to back up my story.

The other lady with the son and I presided to the theater following the AMC employee. She approached the lady who was in our seats and words were had. The lady barely acknowledged the employee. The AMC employee came back over to my son and I, who by the way was so confused as to why we hadn’t sat down yet to see his movie. We had taken a seat at the back of theater in the handicapped seating where we were waiting for an answer as to how this was going to solved.

The AMC employee came back over to me and informed me that the lady wasn’t going to move, but hold on and she would be back she was going to check to see what seats were un-purchased and see if we could move somewhere else.

By this time the movie had started.

The lady with the son who was supposed to be in our row, asked me if me and my son wanted to just take her seats, she said she felt so bad about what was happening. I told her no, that was ok.

When the AMC employee came back, she handed me to comp tickets and said she was sorry she couldn’t do anything else, but we could move to the end seats that were open a row ahead of where we were supposed to sit.

I was so mad at this point my whole entire face was just red hot.

I grabbed my son’s hand and walked him down to the seats and the end of the row ahead.

They sucked!

Who wants to sit at end and be at a weird angle?

I told this story to many of my family members who asked if I had called AMC’s corporate headquarters, which I did and I was told by two different customer service reps that the lady and her daughter should have been removed from the theater, and that’s why you pay for tickets online so you can choose the seating that you want and not have to worry about getting there on time and worrying about getting a good seat. One rep asked if security was called. They weren’t.

The comp tickets were a nice gesture, but I just wanted my son and I to have a good movie going experience.

I’m a fairly quiet person, but when it comes to my child’s happiness I get very touchy. He still enjoyed the movie.

When I did get a response from corporate on my complaint, they basically just said they were sorry that it happened.

My thing is, why pay for movie tickets and assigned seating if you’re not going to get the seats you want? Why have the policy if it isn’t going to be enforced?

This has left such a bitter taste in my mouth about AMC theaters in general. I’ve been going to this particular theater for such along time.

What do you guys think?

Should I just avoid AMC theaters, period?

Avoid Ward Parkway AMC?

What’s the crappiest movie going experience you’ve had?

Has this happened to you before?

Let me know in the comments!

Until next time…

Nicole Alicia sig