When Is It Time To Let It Go?

happy valentine's day

Disclaimer: This is not an advice column! I’m simply sharing my opinion and my experiences.

The main character of my debut novel “Drama University”, Melody is in an on again off again relationship with Xavier. She doesn’t know how to let go or even if she should let the relationship go. With all the other short lived relationships she’s  been in, there have been some clear signs to let things go. But not so much with Xavier. They have history.

Much like my character Melody, I also have had relationships where I just didn’t want to let it go.

It hurts!

Often times there is this uncomfortable grey area. Nothing is defined and you’re feeling vulnerable about the situation. Maybe even insecure.

I get it!

With one particular relationship I was in a long time ago, there were several different periods and breaks we took. However, somehow we kept finding ourselves together again and again.

Ladies, he was handsome! He seemed to have everything I was looking for in a boyfriend, at first. He was very kind, polite and a total gentleman. As time went on though, things changed. The person I had met years before started changing.

Long story, short in the end, I ended up heart broken and resentful that I had been with this person so long. In the beginning after the break up, I was very bitter and angry. He made one last attempt to keep the line of communication open with me, but I shut it down once I found out he was talking to other girls.

Once I got over the anger I felt from the break-up, I was able to learn from what I had experienced.

So here it is…Here are Nicole Alicia’s signs of when it is time to let it go…

If he doesn’t share the same morals and values as you – Differences like this may be cute at first…at first. But, In the end if you aren’t on the same page as to where in life you are spiritually and morally, it won’t work. You can compromise all you want, but often it doesn’t matter.

If you find yourself trying to change him – If you’re trying to make him into something he’s not, good luck girlfriend! Typically how you are at 20, 21 is how you’re going to be…morally. Do not go into a relationship thinking you can “upgrade” him or mold him into what you want him to be. It rarely works! If it does, it’s liable to backfire on you big time.

If you’ve asked him not to do something that really bothers you, but he’s still doing it – typically this mean he doesn’t respect you. Enough said on this one!! Take it how you want. I’ve had both ways. It’s a total difference, when someone who says they love you makes an effort not to do something that you don’t like, versus someone you express you don’t like something and they say you can take a hike ’cause they ain’t changing…believe them if they say it!

Believe me, I know you’re saying it’s not that easy Nicole!

I never said, it was easy. I know things are never this cut and dry when it comes to relationships.

I could write a whole other post on how difficult it was for me to let go in some relationships. For me, the longer I was in a relationship, the longer it was going to take to get over it.

Recognize, some of the signs and then decide, is this really worth it? Trust, I wouldn’t be sharing if it wouldn’t benefit you in the long run!

What do you think? Have you been through this? Do you agree? Disagree?

Comment below!

Love and Peace, until next time…

Nicole Alicia

 

 

 

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Heartbreak Pt. 2

Copy of Heartbreak Sucks Pt.1

Heartbreak happens!

It can end up making you bitter and resentful. Often times you feel like giving up.

I’ve been there!

Why love again? Why even put your heart out there if it’s going to keep getting stomped on, milly wopped, nae nae’d? (P.S.feel free to insert any other current dance move, LOL)

These were questions I asked myself over and over at one point.

I was super fed up of getting let down, disappointed, lied to and cheated on. I had decided that being on my own was fine. Indefinitely! I swore up and down I was going to become the dog version of the “Cat Lady” and live out my life by my lonesome at 21, 22 years old.

Lies, deceit and just two people who are going down two different paths can lead to some pretty painful break ups.

I’ve had my fair share of it all. Some of it I did carry around with me for awhile. The hurt and distrust that I had experienced in a pretty lengthy relationship I was in, seemed to linger.

It’s also a pretty hurtful thing when you had considered that person your friend above all things.

How do you deal you may ask?

Good question! This my friend, is a very difficult one. To tell the truth it’s different for everyone. For me it just took sometime.

It took me years to really truly get over my first love, the breakup and the hurt I had experienced. I blamed myself for a lot of it.

I’m not gonna lie. It left my heart heavily scarred!

You may deal with heartbreak differently than the next young woman.

Relationships are very fickle sometimes, often there are good times and bad. If there is one thing I learned from dating, it’s if the bad outweigh the good, it definitely time to bounce.

What has been your experience with heartbreak? Did it leave a lasting effect on you?

Comment below!

-Nicole Alicia

 

 

 

Heartbreak Sucks Pt. 1

Heartbreak Sucks Pt.1

Heartbreak is a hard one!

You can experience heartbreak when you loose someone you love, when some one you really like doesn’t really feel the same and in the case of a good relationship gone sour.

Just as young love is so fresh and new and clean and beautiful.

Heartbreak is the total opposite. It can be dirty, raw and down right ugly.

My main character Melody Thomas experiences some serious let downs and heartbreaks in my debut novel “Drama University” set to be released this fall.

Personally, I’ve experienced many different heartbreaks when it comes to dating and relationships. Bad news is, there’s no way of getting around it unfortunately when you’re out there dating though and even in relationships.

When I first had my heart broken by the first guy who I liked and he liked me back (I can’t really call him a boyfriend because back in middle school it was “we went together”). I was so confused. We went to school together and had a great time together this one summer. I mean I really liked this guy.  At the end of 8th grade he broke the news to me that his mom and him were moving and he would be going to a different school. He said he thought it would be best if we just be friends and break up.

So many emotions and thoughts were going through my little 12 year old head.

I thought he really liked me. Why breakup? Did I do something wrong?

 Even as I dated into my 20’s I had the same questions, LOL!

Experiencing your first heartbreak can be quite traumatic.

It can be sudden and most of the time you’re not even going to see it coming. You can try to prepare your heart and your mind for what may come and protect it best you can, but sometimes this is never enough.

As I said in my post last week Hey Young Love, sometimes young love can be the sweetest thing, but can end up turning sour so quickly.

The best way I found to deal with getting my heart break was to do a pity party. Have one, seriously! It’s okay! just don’t stay there. Grab that pint of ice cream, binge on Netflix, don’t come out the house for awhile. Most importantly take care of yourself!

But, after awhile sistah, you have to pick it up and keep moving! You’re way to gorgeous to let all that beauty go to waist moping around! Plus you’ve got things to do right!?

Do be careful about suffering multiple heartbreaks over and over, back to back. It can start to make you very numb.

I’ll stop here for now!

Come back Thursday for Heartbreak Suck Pt. 2 …

Until then, be good!

-Nicole Alicia