Married at Twenty-Four: Part 3

part 3


So… if you read the last post, “Married at Twenty-Four: Part 2” you know that I gave my then husband to be (although I didn’t know it then of course), a second chance and the rest is history.

I’d like to run down a few things for y’all real quick though so you don’t think I’m braggin on this marriage thing’.

I’m not special by any means!

Often when I tell people that I’ve been happily married for the last 8 years, often they first question is “Wow! How old are you?” (I’ve been told I look like a 20 year old, so yes I’m flattered when someone asks!)

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When we got married I was 24 years old and my husband was 25.

Did we think we were too young back then? Not at all. When we look back now though at 33 and 34, we are like WOW we were young.

My husband proposed on Valentine’s Day 2008.

It was actually very unexpected, because I thought I had been given my gift (a diamond necklace) earlier that day, so I was happy.

The proposal was during a candle light dinner at a nice little Italian restaurant.

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In our almost year of dating, I found out that not only did we like a lot of the same stuff, he possessed many of the qualities I had been looking for in a guy. We had become best friends. He wasn’t offended when I talked about my ex’s and other guys I had been with and I wasn’t offended either. We had so much in common, but so much that was different.

He shared with me that he always liked me in school, but didn’t know exactly how to talk to me because he felt that I was OUT OF HIS LEAGUE. Isn’t that crazy?! We had been thinking the same thing!

I see a lot of y’all single women out here, post things on social media. Some seem to have a very skewed perception of what a real loving relationship is and what marriage is.

The best advice I have found that has worked for me is…

A. It’s up to you to be clear on what YOU want. Not drawing a clear line is a dangerous place to hanging out! Setting clear boundaries is necessary.

B. It’s NOT up to YOU. Really when a man will propose is up to HIM. HE has to be ready to commit. (Contrary to popular belief, you can’t make him, you can’t trick him into marriage. Conning someone into what you THINK is a life long commitment is a failure from the beginning.)

We both were what I’d consider very mature though. We had college degrees, our own apartments, own cars, own jobs. We were on the same page as far as where we wanted to go in life and goals.

I think that’s the most important part as well.

Have your own ‘ish together before you get with someone.

If you’re not on the same page..hate to tell you, but it’s most likely not going to work for long.

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At the end of the day, I think how ever you put it together it has to be what works for two as a whole. Not what works for your girlfriends or your sister, but what works for you two as a couple!

Trust me ladies, FOREVER doesn’t seem that long if you are truly with someone who is your friend. We started off as friends. I was very clear on what I wanted and what was acceptable and unacceptable. Is he perfect? By no means! I still have to tell him repetitively that leaving your drawls in the bathroom or leaving the toilet seat up is super annoying after living with this man for over 12 years. You see where I’m going with this?

Has the last 8 years been a cake-walk? Heck no. But, has it been worth it?


Until next time…

Nicole Alicia sig



Married at Twenty-Four: Part 2

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So picking back up from my last post, “Married at Twenty-Four: Part 1” I had received a message from a guy I had went to middle and high school with. We were faint acquaintances in school and had once attempted to date, but it never happened. He was a total jock and popular in school. I was honor roll student, who played tennis and was a very devoted band student who sand in the choir at church. Two total opposites.

So in December 2006, when I accepted his email request to meet up (he could have used myspace, but I have no idea why he didn’t) I was skeptical. but so needed to get out of the house and step away from my boring routine of job searching.

After the lunch meet-up (this was not a date). A about I think it was a week later, he called to see what I was up to and if I wanted to go out for drinks that Friday.

It was now January and since graduating I had only been on only 3 interviews, out of the hundreds of resume’s I had been sending. I was just exhausted!

Drinking sounded like a spectacular idea!

He offered to pick me up, soooo it was a DATE!

After a major break-up from my long time boyfriend, followed by a series of crappy relationships in College, I was still not wanting anything serious. I mean I had told myself

I wasn’t going to do this whole dating thing, right?


But, I found myself kind of infatuated that this fine guy I had, had a crush on in middle school wanted to date me. After that night, I saw the beginning of a budding friendship! Which was alright with me.

Fast forward to February 13th, 2007.

He had sweetly asked me to be his Valentine and asked me to dinner and a movie on the 14th. I was on my lunch break at work when I saw his name cross my caller id. Ecstatic that he called on my lunch break (we started talking on lunch breaks), I picked up the phone and the conversation went something like this.

Me: “Hello”

Him: “Hey, can you talk? I have some bad news.”

Me: “Okkkaaay? What?”

Him: “My ex-girlfriend is pregnant and I think it might be mine.”

(S***tiest phone convo I know, right?)

Me: “Come again?! You said, you weren’t with her anymore. How did this?

Him: “I had no idea, but I think we should cancel tomorrow.”

Me: ****End Call**** (Yes, I hung up!)

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Pissed off was not even the word, girl!

I had decided to open my heart back up, juuuussst a little and here it was getting stomped on again. I couldn’t believe it!

I had bought him a single gift for Valentine’s Day, of these Lindor Chocolates that he said he really loved. I thought about trashing them but ended up giving them to my Dad to eat. Sadly this hadn’t been the crappiest Valentine’s Day I had thus far in all of dating. (I’ll have to write a post on the #1 crappiest Valentine’s Day!)

Fast forward to May 2007.

After that phone call, not only had I received several voicemails from him. I had been sent flowers also by him which I threw in the trash. He sent me a message to let me know she had lied and blah, blah, blah. I just wasn’t trying to hear it. Not to mention, I had made the mistake of venting to my folks about the whole incident so not only had I put him on Nicole Alicia’s s***t list, they had also (my parent’s opinion/discernment on whom I dated meant alot! They often saw stuff I didn’t and I thank them for that.)

I had been seeing another guy I met at a club (here’s were I should have just left him alone) for only a month or so, and he was supposed to meet me at a local restaurant for dinner. I got there before him and got a table, after 30 minutes I messaged him and got no response so I called and got no response.

Long story short, this a**hole stood me up!

So, after being borderline harassed with 2 or 3 phone calls from my soon to be husband, I gave in (yes, ladies I was caught at a weak point) I was sitting at a restaurant by myself and was thinking about how I had jacked up in other relationships and someone gave me a second chance. I kept thinking maybe I should hear him out…

So I picked up the phone and hit the recall button on my latest voicemail from him…

Want to know what happens next?

Stick around for Part 3 on Friday!

Until next time…

Nicole Alicia sig




Married at Twenty-Four: Part 1 (1)

February is the month of so many celebrations…

It’s Black History month, Valentine’s Day and Ground Hog Day. I’m not gonna write about Ground Hog Day though, for obvious reasons. LOL!

But this month, I would like to cover topics pertaining to love, marriage and relationships.

So to kick off my posts for the month, I thought I’d give my short-rendition of how I came to be “Married at Twenty-Four” and then give do some discussion topics on things surrounding marriage and such. So here we go…This is my story.

I had graduated from College December 2006.

I had been through so many horrible relationships in College and I had basically written off getting into a relationship like ever again…or at least for a long time. I had moved back home to Kansas City, Missouri  and was again living with my parents. I was determined to get a job and move. I was habitually searching daily for a job that would pay well enough for me to move out on my own. I mean I loved my folks, but I was 22 years old and was running as fast as I could toward freedom and independence. (Really, after not finding much in my major career field it was just any job paying more than $25K…I’ll write later about this.)

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I had checked my email one evening and saw a message that said “Hi” from a classmate of mine .

I had actually gone to Middle and High School with this guy. I had known him in passing as he was pretty cute and a lot of girls either wanted to be his girlfriend or get with him. He was pretty popular on the football team , ran track and wrestled so he was a Jock in my book.

I on the other hand, was considered a nerd by my peers. I was in concert and marching band, on the honor roll, would rather read a book than go out and for some odd reason everyone always thought I had the right answers in class, although I never talked. (Yes, I was that kid everyone wanted to cheat off of.)

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So with that background I just gave you, you can see how I was very skeptical and a little leary frowning heavily before clicking on the message.

It read…

“Hey! How are you? Would you be open to getting a cup of coffee or going for a drink? I would love to catch up… Let me know.”

After reading this, I thought to myself…Either he’s trying to sell something or he just really like wanted to catch up. After about a day of contemplating on what exactly to say, because ginuinely I didn’t even want to be bothered but didn’t want to be rude I replied back something like, “Sure. Call me at blahh blahh blahh and we’ll discuss details.”

So fast forward a few days, we met up for lunch at a pizza spot on the Plaza in Kansas City. It was very casual and he told me he was single, with no kids (very shocked to hear this from him) and had graduated in the Spring as was currently a graphic designer for a local paper and also had his own company on the side. Needless to say I was impressed!

But AGAIN, I wasn’t looking…Right? RIGHT!

Stay tuned for Part II & III Wednesday and Friday this week.

Until then…

Nicole Alicia sig