Grow From It

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It’s easy to get stuck in life.

Dating, work, parenting (if you’re there), relationships and on and on!

I’ve had some pretty crappy experiences in life.

I could have easily just threw in the towel and said forget it. From break ups, bad dating experiences, loss of friends, miscarriages, layoffs, crappy jobs.

So many bad experiences can really put a bad taste in your mouth. They can leave you bitter and just plain angry.

It’s been a rough road, but I’m still learning and growing and I’m in my 30’s.

When I say grow, I don’t mean just forget what happened and move on. I mean feel how you feel, go through the motions, be present and learn something from it.

In life we’re not supposed to ever stop growing and learning. Personal growth is a life long thing.

Most recently on Tuesday this week, rapper Gucci Mane got married. Everyone is talking about how he came out of prison looking great, made an album, got off probation and proposed to his long time girlfriend. Point of the story is that there was some type of growth that took place.

I can only speak for myself, but I know sometimes for me things that happen negative in your life seems like the end of the world. But it’s not.

When you end up getting hurt from a bad break up, instead of tattooing “I hate men” on yourself, try to reexamine.

I know most of us are like what?

It was all his fault I didn’t have anything to do with whoever. This is probably true! I agree. But what can you take away from the situation that you can use to better yourself next time? Sometimes it’s about analyzing ourselves first before pointing the finger at someone else.

Some once said, “If you know better, you do better”.

Once again it’s a practice. Not a destination, but a journey.

Until next time lovely ladies…

-Nicole Alicia

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College & Stress

College & Stress

 

As an only child and the oldest cousin, I was the first to go to college. My mother stayed home and went to college and my father only went away to college for a short time. I didn’t really have anyone to give me any real advice on how to handle a lot of stuff.

So when things got difficult, I had trouble managing. I didn’t really know what exactly to do.

At one point there was just so much going on in my life. Classes were getting harder, my relationship with my boyfriend was on the fritz for like the umpteenth time. My grandmother, which I was very close to underwent heart surgery and didn’t ever recover. On top of that, things at home weren’t great either.

Plus, it was college and like I mentioned in my previous post, “College 101: Making It On Nothing” money was tight. I was a broke college student, who didn’t have much cash to work with and tuition, gas money, food, etc. was a constant worry.

To put it lightly, I was overwhelmed!

School is hard! There’s no argument there.

Be very careful with stress during these times. In college, there is a ton of easy access to drugs and alcohol. It may seem like a simple solution at the time. However, we know what adverse affect this can have on your body and your life. It’s dangerous!

Plus, it’s only a temporary fix.

I’m not sure about you, but when I’m overwhelmed all I want to do is find a way to relieve my stress. Back when I was in I was partying was my solution was drinking and smoking. Partying and drinking was a easy way to forget all of my problems. Was it the best solution? Absolutely not! (Disclaimer: Hangovers SUCK!!! Hugging a toilet and making your friends bathroom, your room for the night is NOT cute!)

Here are some alternative ways to handle college and stress:

Sometimes going home for a weekend to clear your head can help. Being around family, people who genuinely care about your well being.

Find somewhere to just go and chill and meditate. Quiet, is hard to find on a college campus. You may live in a noisy dorm or apartment where your roommate(s) are always there. Even sometimes the library can be noisy. If you can find sometime to yourself to gather your thoughts. Do it. Maybe even a local coffee shop in town? Because who doesn’t love coffee or a hot cup of cocoa in the cooler temps?

Pray. I realize everyone isn’t spiritual or religious. But, I sure wish I would have talked to God a lot more in college. I usually only talked to him when I was in trouble, to very frank. Prayer in many different religions is the center. If this is something you do, do more of it!

Keep a journal. Even in college, while I was super busy and really didn’t want to write by hand because I had been doing it all day in class taking notes…I used to keep a little journal. I still have it to this day. It really only has a few pages with a sentence or a small paragraph of writing of my feelings, but it was helpful. Even just jotting down something small as to how your feeling can be a way to blow off some steam. I believe journaling can be very therapeutic!

Talk to someone. If at all possible talk to someone outside of your circle. If you feel like you need help, it’s there. Don’t be ashamed! Many universities have counselors on campus, who are willing and waiting to listen and try to offer some solutions.

Lastly, I want you to remember that this thing with studying and all the other pressures of college are temporary! Try to focus on the big picture, which is graduating and getting that degree girl!!!

If you’re in college currently, away or at home. How do you manage stress?

Comment below!

Until next time ladies…

-Nicole Alicia

Be Happy With Yourself First

 

Be Happy With Yourself First

I am odd. I love reading books and writing. I’d rather sit at home and read, than go out most of the time. I enjoy being alone sometimes. I am socially awkward. I rarely speak in social settings, because I am in deep thought or analyzing a situation. I am very slim and that hasn’t changed and I’m almost certain it won’t ever.

A lot of these things may be interpreted different by different individuals.

For years I was told by teachers and peers that I need to be more talkative, more assertive, more this and more that, less this, less that.

Now in my thirties, I just recent was able to accept me.

In previous relationships, I was told that I was weird, too closed off and stayed to myself too much. I was also told that I was needy. I was told that I was too skinny, too hairy and not pretty enough. Unfortunately, because I had all of the confidence knocked out of me by this bad relationship, I began to believe these untrue things about myself.

Another guy came along and told me that I was all that and that I was beautiful and wasn’t too skinny and that what I was asking for in a relationship wasn’t a lot or abnormal. For some reason I was looking for outward affirmation. But I needed to realize who I was and be happy with myself. Looking for approval with in your relationship or with another person is so unhealthy.

God made you unique! There is no one on this planet exactly like you.

Once I learned to accept me, I was able to say this is who I am. Love me or hit the road!

However, I had to realize it for myself. Sometimes it’s an on going battle because we all have our bad days when we get down on ourselves right?

It’s so important to learn to love yourself. I know it sounds cliche, but it’s so true.

If you don’t accept yourself first and who you are as a young lady. Be happy with you!

Take a moment between relationships, take a moment before you get into a relationship.

Don’t let anyone change you for the worse! You’re beautiful!

Until next time ladies, peace and love!

-Nicole Alicia